Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Reverie Of A Lie.

It was one of those gloomy winter dawns, walking down the pier by the lake at the back of the house- a cigarette lingering on my lips, almost falling off. Years had passed by and not a glimpse of a thought had trickled down this mind of mine. A callous indifference to pain and longing.

What have I done to myself- scaringly resilient. Perhaps desires were no longer a muse. But it so happened that I found myself up all night, insouciance? You wish!
Regrets? No! If my soul was bereft of yearnings I'd be God. I can't seem to fathom what it's all about. Trying so hard to map out the directions in my mind.

‘You're such a fool! Don't you know you're one hell of a callous prick who, ironically, seems to be lost in an ever lasting want of being vindicated. What have you done?’

‘What? Tell me!’
‘Who knows it better than you?’
‘Act smart, don't you!’

I keep looking towards the horizon, the sun's probably gonna come out anytime now. Yea, it's that shade of bluish-orange. Damn that very shade!
We would sit here, whiling away time like astronauts while away years in space. Sometimes staring deep into those ebullient eyes, at other times simply hearing each other move- even the slightest turn of fingers. Yea, that close- close enough to make winters feel like spring.

‘Goodness gracious! Not again man, not again!’
‘Let me be, will you?’

I'm so frail like an old engine that runs only when it feels like. And I feel like it, now. Perhaps nobody here to remind me of my age, well, not anymore.

‘Damn I hate your random musings more than anything. Needless to say they always, somehow, randomly come around the same goddamn thing.’

This one time, I remember, many years back I received this letter. Man was my heart jumping all around the place. To my pleasant disappointment- it was a blank page. Yea, just one single blank page inside the unanimous envelop. No words yet so much conveyed. That's the beauty of a blank space- limitless. It was enough to give away who the sender was and it killed me a little more inside. But then that's the kind I fell for- like mad lovers do.

‘All these years gone, yet you've never told me what went wrong.’
‘You are of me as much I am of you, what's to hide.’
‘C'mon already, your wordplay- I'm immune to that horse crap.’ …

‘A lie.’

No comments:

Post a Comment