Reverie Of A Lie.

It was one of those gloomy winter dawns, walking down the pier by the lake at the back of the house- a cigarette lingering on my lips, almost falling off. Years had passed by and not a glimpse of a thought had trickled down this mind of mine. A callous indifference to pain and longing.

What have I done to myself- scaringly resilient. Perhaps desires were no longer a muse. But it so happened that I found myself up all night, insouciance? You wish!
Regrets? No! If my soul was bereft of yearnings I'd be God. I can't seem to fathom what it's all about. Trying so hard to map out the directions in my mind.

‘You're such a fool! Don't you know you're one hell of a callous prick who, ironically, seems to be lost in an ever lasting want of being vindicated. What have you done?’

‘Hmm..’
‘What? Tell me!’
‘Who knows it better than you?’
‘Act smart, don't you!’

I keep looking towards the horizon, the sun's probably gonna come out anytime now. Yea, it's that shade of bluish-orange. Damn that very shade!
We would sit here, whiling away time like astronauts while away years in space. Sometimes staring deep into those ebullient eyes, at other times simply hearing each other move- even the slightest turn of fingers. Yea, that close- close enough to make winters feel like spring.

‘Goodness gracious! Not again man, not again!’
‘Let me be, will you?’

I'm so frail like an old engine that runs only when it feels like. And I feel like it, now. Perhaps nobody here to remind me of my age, well, not anymore.

‘Damn I hate your random musings more than anything. Needless to say they always, somehow, randomly come around the same goddamn thing.’

This one time, I remember, many years back I received this letter. Man was my heart jumping all around the place. To my pleasant disappointment- it was a blank page. Yea, just one single blank page inside the unanimous envelop. No words yet so much conveyed. That's the beauty of a blank space- limitless. It was enough to give away who the sender was and it killed me a little more inside. But then that's the kind I fell for- like mad lovers do.

‘All these years gone, yet you've never told me what went wrong.’
‘You are of me as much I am of you, what's to hide.’
‘C'mon already, your wordplay- I'm immune to that horse crap.’ …

‘A lie.’

THREE DOORS. ONE LIFE.

I am in ruins, or maybe not. You may opine otherwise and rightfully so. There's more to me than meets the eye, and here's why. Why should I bother, you think of me as just another of those dilapidated pieces which are of no muse.

Well let me tell you anyway, and mind you its simply out of pity for your curiosity and not self-gloating. I have been pondering upon the thought that why people never really gave me a thought as they passed by- why was I sealed off and left just as an ornament adorning this house. How much I loathe that fateful day, one can only wonder.

 Remember those days masters? Remember how you would come to me whenever you had a dilemma of choices. It was I who would lead you to where you wished to go- heaven, hell, and world. Your only distraction, one you couldn't stop musing about.

 The only time you went the world way was when you wanted to feel devastated- those self-exploding times.

 Always thought of the world to be the balance of heaven and hell, but much to my bewilderment you would claim not so.

 Please tell me what is so ravaging about this place called 'world'- I never seemed to fathom it. Please?

“Man.”

"Yes?"

“Yes!”

"Okay. Give me time to imbibe that."

“You've got all you can take.”

After days of flabbergastation, I come to grips with this; I have only him to trust. I see that smile on his face which seems almost sanctimonious, but i push away the thought.

Perhaps he is right, for I've seen man doing all sorts of nasty things to the world around him, thinking of himself to be oh so great, which are anything but right. He's been gifted with reason, unlike any other living being, yet he keeps wanting. Is he actually oblivious to the repercussions of ever-wanting or only too self-complacent? Perhaps it's his lack of knowledge; well they say the less one knows, the more stubbornly they know it.

Humour me master, I don't want to be left disgruntled.

Let’s not be judgmental, least of all about something that does not concern me, rather, us.

Why'd you leave, why can't I be the mode to your random ways no more?

Is this what is to become of me- ruins.

Been waiting for my answers since time immemorial. And only time shall absolve my state of desertion; know that I'm not just a debilitated door.

I am worth all your muse and much more.

I still am the three ways and one choice.